銆�銆�As it is common for Friends on such a visit to have entertainment free ofcost, a difficulty arose in my mind with respect to saving my money by kindnessreceived from what appeared to me to be the gain of oppression. Receiving agift, considered as a gift, brings the receiver under obligations to thebenefactor, and has a natural tendency to draw the obliged into a party withthe giver. To prevent difficulties of this kind, and to preserve the minds ofjudges from any bias, was that divine prohibition: "Thou shalt not receive anygift; for a gift blindeth the wise, and perverteth the words of the righteous"(Exod. xxiii. 8). As the disciples were sent forth without any provision fortheir journey, and our Lord said the workman is worthy of his meat, theirlabour in the gospel was considered as a reward for their entertainment, andtherefore not received as a gift; yet, in regard to my present journey, I couldnot see my way clear in that respect. The difference appeared thus: theentertainment the disciples met with was from them whose hearts God had openedto receive them, from a love to them and the truth they published; but we,considered as members of the same religious society, look upon it as a piece ofcivility to receive each other in such visits; and such receptions, at times,is partly in regard to reputation, and not from an inward unity of heart andspirit. Conduct is more convincing than language, and where people, by theiractions, manifest that the slave-trade is not so disagreeable to theirprinciples but that it may be encouraged, there is not a sound uniting withsome Friends who visit them.

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銆�銆�Thus time passed on; my heart was replenished with mirth and wantonness,while pleasing scenes of vanity were presented to my imagination, till Iattained the age of eighteen years, near which time I felt the judgments of God in my soul, like a consuming fire, and looking over my past life the prospectwas moving. I was often sad, and longed to be delivered from those vanities;then again my heart was strongly inclined to them, and there was in me a soreconflict. At times I turned to folly, and then again sorrow and confusion tookhold of me. In a while I resolved totally to leave off some of my vanities, butthere was a secret reserve in my heart of the more refined part of them, and Iwas not low enough to find true peace. Thus for some months I had greattroubles; my will was unsubjected, which rendered my labours fruitless. Atlength, through the merciful continuance of heavenly visitations, I was made tobow down in spirit before the Lord. One evening I had spent some time inreading a pious author, and walking out alone I humbly prayed to the Lord forHis help, that I might be delivered from all those vanities which so ensnaredme. Thus being brought low, He helped me, and as I learned to bear the cross, Ifelt refreshment to come from His presence; but not keeping in that strengthwhich gave victory, I lost ground again, the sense of which greatly affectedme. I sought deserts and lonely places, and there with tears did confess mysins to God and humbly craved His help. And I may say with reverence, He wasnear to me in my troubles, and in those times of humiliation opened my ear todiscipline.

銆�銆�By day I was much amongst people, and had many trials to go through; but inthe evenings I was mostly alone, and I may with thankfulness acknowledge, that in those times the spirit of supplication was often poured upon me; under whichI was frequently exercised, and felt my strength renewed.